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AS I STARED at the sunset, I marveled at its beauty. The scenario got me thinking about an issue a friend had brought up sometime ago. It was a very ticklish matter, one that seems to perplex everyone – even the so-called professionals.
“Are people faithful?” the question replayed itself in my head. I had looked at her for a while then, and gave her a laconic answer; “Maybe, ah I don’t know.”
It was not child’s play anymore; it was a question in need of an answer.
I was prompted to put pen to paper because of some recent developments. Developments that I never could have foreseen.
Is someone being ‘unfaithful’? Or is everyone being ‘unfaithful’? That is the confusion. Even the ‘unfaithful’ that are caught in the act deny it. If their denial holds no water, they back it up with irrational excuses.
With each passing day deceit, cheating and heartbreak unfold; a person is geared up to deftly take ‘unfaithfulness’ in the face without batting an eyelid because they saw it coming. Even foresight is not enough to stop heartbreak or prevent the affected from feeling dejected after falling prey. But why should one be ‘unfaithful’, why deceit and why cheat?
The human being is like a machine, or rather, a programmed robot with embedded mature buttons. A push of a button displays a character trait – jealousy, cheating, hatred, love, lost, confidence, rebellion, sympathy, joy, aggression, ego, belief, unbelief, unfaithfulness, to name a few. People are animals. The only thing that differentiates them from other species is massive brain development, the ability to decipher between good and evil, to turn away from or embrace a situation, to feel and control our emotions by triggering or muffling them. The animalistic nature of humans still lives within. It only takes a push of the right button to evoke or bring to life one or all of these aforementioned character traits.
Man’s ‘unfaithfulness’ may not have a clear origin but as far as I can tell it is as old as man himself. The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary defined ‘unfaithful’ in a brief but concise manner; having a sexual relationship with somebody other than one’s lover; husband etc. According to the thesaurus, synonyms of ‘unfaithful’ include infidelity, deceit, disloyalty, treachery, falseness and treason. The synonyms of those synonyms are untrustworthiness, fickleness, lying, duplicity, pretense, inconsistency, capriciousness and vacillation. The sub-synonyms of those are changeability, deviousness, fraudulence, unreliability, undependability, uncertainty, insincerity, untruthfulness, double-dealing, make-believe, charade, contradiction, whimsicality, frivolity, irresponsibility, volatility, indecision, fluctuation and ambivalence.
When a loved one cheats, he or she is guilty of all of the above and should be lynched or guillotined, if I am permitted to use those literal terms. ‘Unfaithfulness’ deals a devastating blow to the victimized partner. They feel crushed, betrayed, like a part of them has been ripped out. They will be very angry and sad. It is not only because their partner wanted and had sex with someone else or just because their partner has shared the ultimate expression of love with the other person. It is because they lied, murdering the partner in their conscience with little regard for their feelings.
This article examines the causes of unfaithfulness, possible preventative measures and equally possible eradication processes. It is just an attempt, not a proven and/or certified cure, to a disease that is not caused by a virus or a parasite but a much deadlier culprit. The causes of ‘unfaithfulness’ vary from individual to individual.
In the following paragraph you will get a clear idea of my perspective on this damaging and provocative attitude could arise. In a long-term relationship, it could be easy for partners to start taking each other for granted. This could lead to ‘unfaithfulness’ as either one or both partners begins to want to experience what it is like to get involved with someone new. He/she might feel as though they are being imprisoned by their current partner and become desperate to break free of their choking grip. The catalyst in this case is boredom which could be compounded by unnecessary irrationality and is dished out by the unsatisfied partner. The feeling that someone sticks to them like a leech monitors their private lives and tells them what is best for the relationship galls and prompts them to be unfaithful by seeking refuge in the arms of another woman/women, or man/ men, as the case may be.
Lack of communication is another relationship destroyer. Some partners do not have the time to sit down and have a hearty chat because they are preoccupied with their work, they feel it is unnecessary or they are constantly “making out”. ‘Actions might speak louder than words’, but in this case the reverse does the magic. Sex is subsidiary to love. Some people falsely think that in engaging in sex with their partners they are binding their relationship. Sex is borne out of the urge to satisfy the flesh more than it is borne out of love. One could constantly make love to a person of the opposite sex without really loving them, or without making them feel loved. Communication includes telling a partner how much you love them, the joy they have brought in your life, the vacuum they have filled so fittingly.
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Writer Profile
kevin M
I am a Nigerian and an avid reader who also take great pleasure in putting pen on paper. I believe that with the right expression of words written with my pen people could change for the better and correct or curb some ills eating deep into our system of government or life in general. Poverty and corruption have always been Africa's most dreaded diseases and Nigeria is no exception. I write fiction and non-fiction and also write articles on any subject, especially that concerning the well-being of the poor masses. I wish to be an acclaimed writer and author and a motivational speaker
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