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Dear whoever-cares- to- read,
Sometimes I act as if my life were a great theatre, a well known film, just a bloody act. Why? Because it makes things easier, it makes things more bearable and everything which is bitter gets an interesting sweetness to it. Everything becomes bittersweet and you suddenly feel that you can direct your whole life and that it is all in your hands. It isn’t, but the feeling, as if it were so, is comforting.
Even as I write, I can see those imaginary cameras and the cameramen shooting, and I can see myself like the people see me on their televisions. And I am a good actress in the movies that I dream of. Yes, a good actress with an interesting story.
The stories in the movies are hardly ever complex. Mostly they just show a part of a persons life, just one problem, just one luck, just one scene. I on the other hand posess so many scenes, they cannot be taken apart. Because if you take away one scene, everything will fall apart. I could try and explain what I mean by that, with a pyramid of cards, maybe?
Why? Because I am not an imitation of life, I am a life.
I have gone through quite a lot in my life. And no, I will not tell you about my whole life from beginning to where I am at the moment – in my room, typing.No, you wouldn’t believe me, or you would be bored because it isn’t a brilliantly interesting story I’d have to offer. Just another life of just another person. And yet.
There have been so many films and there always will be such films that show lives full of action, full of, yes, life itself. And yet, these movies are so distant to the real life.
The real life would be, for the average person, sitting on a stool, on a cozy sofa, lying sprawled on the floor, standing maybe and watching, staring at a screen,a stage for hours. Watching.
If someone were to film a life of an average from our time, it wouldn’t be a very good film. No, I think it wouldn’t even sell a second copy. It would become famous, for it’s high unpopularity maybe, but I don’t think anybody would patiently watch the movie from the beginning to the end. The whole 90 minutes.
What am I trying to say? You will have started asking yourself. I don’t know. I cannot answer that question. I am plainly looking for the sweetness in the bitter. I am sitting on my chair, in front of my P.C, just like you, and I am trying to figure out what the point of this is.
Now, you might say, that’s not true! I don’t just sit infront of my P.C or the Telly! And not only me, hundreds, many, almost all the people I know have better things to do most of the time!
Oh really?
Yes, maybe you are right.
But it surely isn’t enough, because or else you wouldn’t be spending time online, reading pointless thoughts of someone else, but making your own (pointless or not, that is the question) ones.
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Reubertochter
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