by ana g
Published on: May 30, 2002
Topic:
Type: Opinions

I vividly recall my "crushes" on the various behaviorally-challenged male monsters at my elementary school. Up until about 5th grade we were virtually inseparable, as I opted out of the seemingly mindless gossiping and instead, channeled my energy into beating the boys at 4-square and soccer. Once in a while, for entertainment's sake at a sleepover, I would pick a nice boy and dramatically profess my unrequited ardor to a sympathetic audience. My routine confessions were my early attempts to affirm that I still belonged to their feminine world of make up and movie stars. Yet, this critical period in my development as a tomboy foreshadowed a far more serious fate than that of Pippi Longstocking, or any other quirky, androgynous childhood hero. As I progressed through middle school and high school, my life became increasingly turbulent and complex.

At the age of thirteen, I was lovesick. My life centered around X, a 9th grade girl whom I fantasized about constantly. Naturally my dreams extended only to holding innocent conversations with her, no suggestive actions. Nothing ever came of my first foray in passion, but I consider her my first crush. I've had so many crushes and unfulfilled dreams since X, and by the winter of 2001, I was suicidal.

As I've matured, I've 'come out' to myself and accepted that I am a lesbian. Since I first considered the possibility that I might be attracted to girls in 7th grade, I have had two physical relationships with guys. I remember my intense fear last summer, during a make out session when my boyfriend, Y, put my hand on his heart: it was racing. As he moved to do the same with me I squirmed away and distracted him. Despite my emotional attraction to Y, his kisses and cuddles did nothing to me; my heart rate: normal. That evening I was devastated. No longer could I deny my body's signals. I was gay.

There are those that argue that sexual orientation is inherent, determined solely by genetics, while others believe that it is entirely fostered by societal influence (Leading to the perennial question: is gayness catching??). As a homosexual adolescent, I have no doubt that I am gay. Although I continue to be emotionally attracted to males, never physically, the frequency with which this occurs is much less than with females. In addressing the part that society may play in this nature vs. nurture argument, let us consider two situations. Many youth experiment in relationships with both genders however, a person raised in a radically homophobic community is much less likely to experiment, and is more likely to squelch any 'wrong' feelings should they ever emerge. In contrast, someone raised in an accepting, open-minded atmosphere is more willing to question their sexual orientation. No one is going to be converted to gayness because they have had a relationship with a homosexual. They must have had a reason to undertake such a relationship, and it is likely that they were questioningMutual attraction brings about a relationship. Who knows, as in my case with Y the experience may help them realize they are not attracted to a certain gender.
I dislike labeling sexual orientation as a hereditary biological trait however. We are not mutants. We are people who are fighting for our right to express our affection. Psychologists have put forward the concept of a sexual continuum implying that sexuality is fluid to a extent, that depending on the moment and a variety of factors, people may find themselves strongly attracted to someone of their own gender, yet later go on to fall head over heels in love and have a happy heterosexual marriage. Or vice versa. Whatever the causes, someone who currently identifies as a homosexual is a normal person. Yes, we may be violent, criminal, a child abuser. But let me remind you. So may many heterosexuals. Hitler was straight. So was Stalin. Combined they killed over 20 million people. Homosexuality is just one of many characteristics that make up a person, rather than a defining point to base judgement on.

As a global community, our world strives to be caring and inclusive rather than ostracizing minorities. In fact, many western nations aggressively criticize and target nations which oppress certain groups inside their country. The United States in particular relies strongly on this form of diplomacy to force social justice. Scientific research has shown that we (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transsexual) make up 10% of the world's population. In a high school of 400, around 40 students define themselves as homosexual. Yet homophobia runs rampant everywhere. In attempting to represent homosexuals here on TIG ( a rather presumptuous move, I realize) , I ask you to consider society's behavior towards those who exhibit signs of sexual diversity, no matter what the cause. Did you ever say "oh that's gay"? What did you mean? Reflect on your conduct and your government's conduct. We merely want to be treated as equals in the eyes of the law. Should not a homosexual couple be allowed to marry and share their benefits as a heterosexual couple can? Adopt a child? Walk down a school corridor, or a street, without the fear of being harassed for their sexual orientation?


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