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I feel like writing something but I cannot possibly find the words to express it. It is an abstract idea, without form and constantly changing. It is next to impossible to express a story that is consistently changing. It is hard to convey a message that is always changing. I cannot seem to perceive a pattern of what I am conveying.
What do I want to write about? Should I write about the way I feel? Why would I write about the way I feel? Should I write for the sake or for a particular purpose? Do I write to end my confusion or to impress upon someone something? Will my message remain hidden amongst emails, books or inside a BlogSpot? Will someone” Google” and find the message there? How will they find my story? Boring or interesting? Will my writing lack in substance or will it transform? Will my reader stand in awe or will be barely read the first sentence before they toss it aside like waste?
If I write merely to let off “steam” then I feel my writing is limited. I am uncomfortable with where I am. I cannot see why my writing should not impact the lives of people. I feel my writing should cross borders into unknown lands. I desire that people across the world to talk about my writing and how it changed their lives. I will that my writing would touch souls and minds. I desire that in the process my mind and soul would be touched, perhaps deeper. I desire that my writing boomerang across continents and then back to me-richer, deeper and powerful.
Which kind of writing can achieve this desire? Should I write a story? Maybe I should write the story about a boy who loved writing or a girl who loved to read. Or should I write about how I feel about writing? Should I convey a message in form of a story or just say it as it is. For me stories, stories can easily communicate a powerful abstract idea more than directly expressing an idea in form of a prose. I can hide symbols and messages inside characters. I can create a world where I am the prime mover of events. It is enticing and I am almost moved to take this path of writing.
However, writing a story is difficult. I can foresee the burden and the hard work that I will be required to put in. I shudder at the amount of time that such an endeavour will require. I can see pangs of writers block and the crippling fear of being unable to complete a piece. This gives me jitters and I prefer to express my messages in direct form.
But the direct form is predictable and easily forgotten. At times, the message is diluted in the ease of communicating a message. This too is a fear deep within my being.
Perhaps I need to let go of my fear and just write.
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George Onyore William
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