I asked God to make the closet door stop
staring at me.
When it stood open a sliver
I would tremble from
the fear
of what I couldn't see.
I believed the shadow it made on my ceiling
would reach my bed and kidnap me
into the midnight.
Back then I prayed out of fear.
God taunted me
with what I could not have.
I would tremble with rage because
the door stuck at the latch
and Eden remained beyond the translucent door.
I believed my arm’s strength
would evaporate and I would be imprisoned
by my lack of faith.
Back then I would pray for freedom.
God mocked me even as I fled
from the banging sound the door made
like a dog lapping up water.
It would slap against the frame
with horrible profusion
until it remained closed.
I believed when the door opened for me
it would not clap joyously
at my cowardly escape
but as I ran I could hear
the redundant rhythm of
hell’s door.
Back then I prayed for forgiveness
I would kneel at the open window
begging God to abolish
the abomination of being saved.
I believed a higher power
could absorb my sins
and rid them of my existence.
When God locked my transgressions
behind the door
I became aware that in
my transgressions was
I truly free.
I pray for my damnations
to return.
All my values and
perceptions of right and wrong
were eliminated along with my sins.
I believe if I didn’t eat the fruit
there would be a door leading
back to sanity and free will.
I wish humanity could
rejoice in their imperfections
instead of pretending God
is there to fix us.
We were made with the right
to open doors for ourselves
and leave others closed.
We are scared of the unknown
and strive to smell the garden
by pretending we still live there.
« return.