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Truly if God did exist then what is he? Where is he? I asked myself the night after the lecture. Is he human or alien? Is there heaven and hell? My Sunday school teacher used to say heaven is up and hell is down yet man has traveled as far a Pluto and perceived as far away as the stars and there they have found nothing. Just an endless, boundless and cruel space. It dawned on me that maybe we are alone after all. Or maybe space is God or like Einstein observed that space is hiding God. Possibly, we are just matter blindly and desperately clutching on an illusion yet so clearly from dust we came and there we return, and that sadly there is no world other than our own. No God, no hope; just blind animals groping in the dark. Like the biblical King David, in the depth of my despair, I cried out for light.
Next morning I was in the library drowning myself in volumes of law journals when Fiona came sauntering languidly and slowly took a seat opposite to mine. The point where inner beauty meets outer beauty, to me, was this girl sitting in front of me. Her face and heart shone in one accord. Her smile caused sharp little ripples within me. I skipped a beat when her eyes locked on mine and I realized that my whole life had skipped several beats ahead. Whether awake or in dreamland I was, in the coming days, to see her angel-face so much that if I were an artist I would draw her picture and I swear it would come to life. She was sexy too; silky thighs, rosy cheeks, pink and juicy lips, a sturdy behind and firm breasts. One week later I found her fresh from taking a bath and that day has been carefully and preciously stored in a sacred vault in my mind, guarded jealously like the Biblical Tree of life with flaming cherubim.
Such beauty, my dear reader, came with a large price tag. She was, and still is, a staunch, stubborn and unflinching believer of the hard and raw gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. When I say ‘hard and raw’ I mean she had concrete laws engraved in the tablets of her heart, which like Moses followed them faithfully. Sex was unquestionably before marriage, courtship should take at least take four to three years…. and some bizarre like her dream prince charming should own all the albums of Don Moen and Casting crowns. Her Sundays were wholly- from dawn to dusk- dedicated to her one and only dear-personal-and married to him in body and spirit- savior and Christ Our Lord. She read the bible reverently, prayed thoroughly, and was part of a group that called themselves ‘prayer warriors.’ She attended fellowships- class fellowships, youth fellowships, women fellowships, ladies fellowships and many other ‘fellowships’ that popped up conveniently when I tried to ask her for a date. She attended all prayer meetings, never missed all night prayers and was a member of everything and anything Christian under the sun. Her bible, she once told me, was the gauge to measure which man was her Mr. Right. I wondered whether the gauge would read a negative on me.
I on the other hand was quite the opposite. I had made quite a habit of visiting Nairobi’s best topless clubs, flirted flagrantly with K-street’s finest, stole cigarette lighters from supermarkets, had my fair share of brushing shoulders the wrong way with the boys in blue, got drunk and got laid with females I don’t remember their names. I had a demon that roared in my pants like a lion looking left and right for which lucky or unlucky female to devour. One twilight lady for 250shs a night once wondered which college I had gone to for such vigor uncommonly found among the Kenyan male.
We were white and black, yin and yang, light and darkness, beauty and ugliness, water and fire- the eternal opposites. At first there was nothing to bring us together, no spark to blend the opposites. Soon, very soon, light would shine in the darkness and the darkness would depart.
However let me take you through the spark that happened the day after that lecture that made me doubt my Sunday school teacher.
"Fiona why God?" I asked.
"I want to ask you a question, David, which has a straightforward answer. Two monkeys- one well fed and the other thin and impoverished, should they fight, which between the two would win the fight?"
"I guess the well fed one, right?"
"Correct. So it goes also when you feed yourself with Godly stuff. It makes you God-fed and God- fat so that you are stronger."
"I think I love you very much already," I said so honestly.
"You cannot have me. A square box cannot fit in a round hole. Oil and water do not mix." She answered
"I still want you."
"Ask my Daddy in heaven," with that she stood up and walked away.
I watched her exit the building and I felt helpless.
July came along with its terrible cold. For two years I spent my time looking for this God who became to me even more elusive. I looked for this God in church and I never found him. I even asked my pastor to ask him if he heard the prayer I had made to him many sleepless nights. I kept on asking him permission to marry this girl Fiona. Fiona whom I had practically lost contact with had made it very clear that I must have permission from her ‘daddy’ before I could even set eyes on her. I was coming close to a state of exhaustion. By then I had already graduated from law school and Fiona was interned in some law firm in Nairobi.
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Big_will
I am a Kenyan Law student at the University of Nairobi. I am also a poet despite preferring to write a lot. I also read a lot though not in the library and not only about one topic. I hope people enjoy my work. I must say it is not easy being a writer but I shall not give up writing. It is a passion that burns inside me like a furnace. Take care. And thank you.
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Comments
Daddy in Heaven CHINYERE NWOSU | Nov 20th, 2007
Quite thought provoking! Do you beleive God exists?
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