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God what is wrong with this world, or is it what is wrong with me.
Why can I find happiness, all I want is to be happy, don’t I deserve happiness, am I that bad. I know there’s a saying that said , what goes around come around, or what ever wrong one do in this world , will paid for it in this world.
God I know I did my share of wrong doing, I know I don’t deserve to be happy, but you said that if one ask for forgiveness, with all their heart, you will pardon and forgive .
God I am asking for forgiveness, I am begging you their have to be someone out there for me that will make me happy and love me for who I am now, I know that there are a few that that I have been with that offer all of them to me , I turn around and play with their feeling, I am sorry for that , and I am sorry for not feeling the same way that they did, I need some that I love, that I want to be with, someone that makes my heart jump when I am around and I don’t like to share.
Unfortunately, every time that find that person, I always have to compromise, don’t I deserve a women for my self. I am tired may be love is not for me.
From now on no more falling in love , no more marriage, all I want is to have fun and live life as it comes.
February 2005, I met this girl, she turn my life upside down, I was in love and blind, I taught that she was the one, at least she showed me that she was the one that I have been looking for, she showed all that sign that I was looking for in a woman, she smart, and good looking, I felt in love, few months later, marriage, man was that a mistake, was I blind that I didn’t see all them of wrong doing that every body see, maybe I was, no I wasn’t I was in love, and guess what love is blind, few months later all was over.
Almost a year later, I met what I thought was the dream of my life, I mean this girl had everything that a guy will want, she’s smart, sexy, and she’s beautiful, and her eyes , and smile is to kill for. And she mind. So one will say what is my problem?
My problem is , she is not my alone, when it come to share a women like that, its painful , it hurt , and me I CAN”T compromise, the feeling of thinking that another man or woman is feeling and making love and or received all the good loving that you used to received, that only can’t drive you crazy, make you love your head, and everything else. Me I have to much to loose, as much as it hurt I have to walk away, just thinking about it, is tearing up my heart, it hurt.
Why is life have to be this way for me , I don’t ask for much, all I want is to be love , one may say that I am selfish, but I want all of that person . I don’t want to share, I don’t want to compromise in any way, I want to be love,
Maybe what I want, and what I need doesn’t matter anymore, god know I did my share of wrong doing, of breaking heart, making others suffer, deceiving then, and tell them what they want to hear , I deserve all that is happening to me, I am not going to cry, ever though it heat like hell , I am going to take my like a man.
All this became an experience for me. I am learning every step of the way, even though as I am typing this, its tearing me apart to know that the woman you give your heart to is deceiving you and don’t really love u as she say she does, it hurt, it hurt like hell that I have to let go, god I love her, why, why all I want is to be happy, I love her, I love her, why me , I really thought that she was the one, I fell like my world is over. It doesn’t matter how much it hurt, and how much it’s tearing me apart, I will let go. I have to let go. One thing will remain she will always be in my heart. I love her.
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Writer Profile
MARCKENSON
I am a positive young man and especially an optimist who believes in the human resources, I am very interest in all that milked with development and epanouissement of young people. I am the secretary-general in the organization that I am in: BBFK (Breaking bread for kids) the purpose of who is principal to help the children in vulnerable condition.
Joseph Marckenson from HAITI
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Comments
Pretty good Medjeen BAYA | Feb 1st, 2007
That's good, I guest u'll keep doing that way
Nice Osée Résidor | Feb 20th, 2007
Good !
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