I vividly recall my "crushes" on the various behaviorally-challenged male monsters at my elementary school. Up until about 5th grade we were virtually inseparable, as I opted out of the seemingly mindless gossiping and instead, channeled my energy into beating the boys at 4-square and soccer. Once in a while, for entertainment's sake at a sleepover, I would pick a nice boy and dramatically profess my unrequited ardor to a sympathetic audience. My routine confessions were my early attempts to affirm that I still belonged to their feminine world of make up and movie stars. Yet, this critical period in my development as a tomboy foreshadowed a far more serious fate than that of Pippi Longstocking, or any other quirky, androgynous childhood hero. As I progressed through middle school and high school, my life became increasingly turbulent and complex.
At the age of thirteen, I was lovesick. My life centered around X, a 9th grade girl whom I fantasized about constantly. Naturally my dreams extended only to holding innocent conversations with her, no suggestive actions. Nothing ever came of my first foray in passion, but I consider her my first crush. I've had so many crushes and unfulfilled dreams since X, and by the winter of 2001, I was suicidal.
As I've matured, I've 'come out' to myself and accepted that I am a lesbian. Since I first considered the possibility that I might be attracted to girls in 7th grade, I have had two physical relationships with guys. I remember my intense fear last summer, during a make out session when my boyfriend, Y, put my hand on his heart: it was racing. As he moved to do the same with me I squirmed away and distracted him. Despite my emotional attraction to Y, his kisses and cuddles did nothing to me; my heart rate: normal. That evening I was devastated. No longer could I deny my body's signals. I was gay.
There are those that argue that sexual orientation is inherent, determined solely by genetics, while others believe that it is entirely fostered by societal influence (Leading to the perennial question: is gayness catching??). As a homosexual adolescent, I have no doubt that I am gay. Although I continue to be emotionally attracted to males, never physically, the frequency with which this occurs is much less than with females. In addressing the part that society may play in this nature vs. nurture argument, let us consider two situations. Many youth experiment in relationships with both genders however, a person raised in a radically homophobic community is much less likely to experiment, and is more likely to squelch any 'wrong' feelings should they ever emerge. In contrast, someone raised in an accepting, open-minded atmosphere is more willing to question their sexual orientation. No one is going to be converted to gayness because they have had a relationship with a homosexual. They must have had a reason to undertake such a relationship, and it is likely that they were questioningMutual attraction brings about a relationship. Who knows, as in my case with Y the experience may help them realize they are not attracted to a certain gender.
I dislike labeling sexual orientation as a hereditary biological trait however. We are not mutants. We are people who are fighting for our right to express our affection. Psychologists have put forward the concept of a sexual continuum implying that sexuality is fluid to a extent, that depending on the moment and a variety of factors, people may find themselves strongly attracted to someone of their own gender, yet later go on to fall head over heels in love and have a happy heterosexual marriage. Or vice versa. Whatever the causes, someone who currently identifies as a homosexual is a normal person. Yes, we may be violent, criminal, a child abuser. But let me remind you. So may many heterosexuals. Hitler was straight. So was Stalin. Combined they killed over 20 million people. Homosexuality is just one of many characteristics that make up a person, rather than a defining point to base judgement on.
As a global community, our world strives to be caring and inclusive rather than ostracizing minorities. In fact, many western nations aggressively criticize and target nations which oppress certain groups inside their country. The United States in particular relies strongly on this form of diplomacy to force social justice. Scientific research has shown that we (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transsexual) make up 10% of the world's population. In a high school of 400, around 40 students define themselves as homosexual. Yet homophobia runs rampant everywhere. In attempting to represent homosexuals here on TIG ( a rather presumptuous move, I realize) , I ask you to consider society's behavior towards those who exhibit signs of sexual diversity, no matter what the cause. Did you ever say "oh that's gay"? What did you mean? Reflect on your conduct and your government's conduct. We merely want to be treated as equals in the eyes of the law. Should not a homosexual couple be allowed to marry and share their benefits as a heterosexual couple can? Adopt a child? Walk down a school corridor, or a street, without the fear of being harassed for their sexual orientation?
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"any restriction to same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional" July 12th 2002 Toronto, Ontario, Canada Eugene Hyun
| Aug 2nd, 2002
"Toronto - An historic judgement was delivered today at Osgoode Hall, when a decision from a three-justice panel was released which unanomously declared any restriction to same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional. The court gave the Canadian government up to 24 months to take legislative action to remedy the issue and declared that any remedy has to treat gays and lesbians with full equality. They declared an end to treating gay & lesbian families as second class."
I'm very happy for the city of Toronto on its ruling. Now it is up to the Ontario (provincial) and Canadian government.
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btw i loved reading your article. It was very moving.
| Mar 28th, 2003
Where's the love? Racquel Merritt
| Oct 14th, 2003
I loved your article, and have often times questioned the same questions you addressed. America bases itself on equality and freedom yet there are so many of us still living in captivity. And many religions voice themselves on love and brotherhood, but they are quick to disown homosexuals. I am not a lesbian, but i think everyone deserves the right to be treated with respect, reguardless of their sexual preference, race or anything else. I just ask our nation, where is the love?
| Nov 6th, 2003
As a heterosexual person, I dont want to be homosexual but after reading this I dont oppose to it as much as I used to. I think lesbians and gays should get the same rights as heterosexuals but they dont. Same-sex couples aren't allowed to get married and therefore, they dont have the same and equal rights as people who are "straight". This is probably becasue tradidtion defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman for the purpose of rasing children. This statment about "tradition" will soon no longer work. These "tradition" excuses also opposed against abolishing slavery, allowing women to vote, interracial marriage, women serving in the military and African-Americans to join sport teams. Shouldn't homosexuals enjoy what heterosexuals enjoy in thier relationships? This does not nessasarly mean that all churches have to let lesbians and gays marry. The law heterosexuals are not looking for is the right to get married im any church tehy want but the actual right to be a legal union and the benfits provided to couples from the government. People agree on equailty, like african-americans having the same rights as white people but they dont agree on homosexuals getting married? This makes no sense. You cannot agree to one strand of equlity and not to another. This is a question I am asking the global community: shouldn't homosexuals be treated with dignity and respect? Don't they still have hearts? This is discrimination and it's wrong. Fight for justice.
^_^ Oh, interesting... Matthew D. Stark
| Mar 12th, 2004
That puts it into perspective quite nicely. I wouldn't recomend it for discussions with just anyone, however; some people take their beliefs about serious topics to a very violent level... 0.0
heartfelt... Soma Pal
| Mar 29th, 2004
Hi! I liked the honesty of your writing, and the questions you have posed. I dont know what is right and what is wrong...but maybe its high time we humans came out of our comfort zones...
Just abnormal Lillian
| Mar 30th, 2004
I really don understand how same sex marriages can work?? as in it sounds funny and awkward to me, and infact the bible quotes and even says, "a woman shall leave her parents and join her hasband to become one" then how do we say this??, its just doesn't make sense. To me i can consider same sex as friends but not marriage partner for God's sake. God said Go to the world and multiply, how do same sex couples then do this?? Nway all in all its an individual decision, but i think the world is coming to an end, THIS ARE THE LAST DAYS
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